Friday, February 25, 2011

Ode to My favoritest teacher Ever...Mr Conners :)

In every man or woman's life they come across a teacher that inspires them to do better, one that challenges their thinking and gets them to dig deep and pull out talents that they never knew they had...this is a story about a teacher who did absolutely none of this. My high school Chemistry teacher, Mr. Conners.
   Mr Conners is a stereotypical loser. He is not a people person at all. To say he is a dick, is an insult to all male genitalia. He was the worst. He constantly smoked so he always had the horrible odor of dead hopes and dreams and cigarette smoke on him at all time. His breath was so far gone, that giving him a breath mint is like giving JFK a winnie the pooh bandage after he got shot. In otherwords its completely useless. He also had no sense of humor whatsoever. What does a game of operation in the hands of a toddler and Conners have in common? There both missing a funnybone. HE told the exact same jokes all the time, and the only kids that laughed were the ones who were trying to suck up to ensure they got a good grade. He told jokes about the following:
- how he hated barney and wanted to kill him
-how he took his niece or someone in his family to see Sesame street on ice (or something) and wanted to kill elmo cuz he hated elmo...(notice a trend here? lol)
- how he was going to fail a student and the students dad attempted to bribe him with a free meal at their restaurant, and how he ended up eating at the place and still failing the kid anyway
- how he sends kids to summer school
-some other nerdy chem jokes
(Thats all I could remember, I have to ask my younger brother if he remembers any, cuz we both had him and we both failed)

Now as you can tell from his "jokes'' that he is a relatively miserable person, except for one thing in his life that brings a smile to his face. If you guessed failing students, your right, but not the answer Im looking for. The thing that brought a smile to his face was none other than Higgins. Higgins is his small dog. When he brought Higgins to class that was the ONLY time I EVER seen him smile. HE was genuinely happy. I think Higgins was the only one who might have respected him...then again I doubt it lol. But now on to the main gripe. His work....He gave out some of the most hardest and annoying work out there. Wanna hear how hard it is? I cheated on many occasions and still failed cuz it was that hard. He always claimed something was so easy "Higgins could do this". Well if thats the case I would pay Higgins to do that stuff for me. His work was impossible. I even went to extra help (which was anything but) One time I went there to ask him a question and he replied "Im not answering that because I covered that in class". So I walked out and left. Conners made me hate going to school. My GPA suffered heavy due to this lonely miserable jabroni, but there was nothing I could do. I couldnt switch out or nothing because I liked my other classes and didnt want to go through the annoying process of updating my schedule. I toughed it out. In the end during the final I gave up and just started doodling on the exam (in addition to use the reliable process of "enie minie miney moe" to pick my answers). In the end of the year both my brother (who was a A-B+ range student) and myself had summer school because we failed his class. LOng story short we had a better chem teacher for summer school and actually understood it and aced it. HE also told us that Conners, back in the day, sent most of his class to summer school. He said that conners must have been a lot more looser now because out of 6 of us in summer school only 5 of us came from Conners class. Conners was hands down one of the worst teachers I ever had in my life. I dont wish any ill will towards the dude because his life is already pathetic enough as it is. Now Im a freshman in college with Deans List and all A's under my belt and laugh at my time back in Chem class. Wanna see how bad he stinks? Go to ratemyteacher.comor this site here:
(dont let the few positive reviews fool you)

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