Sunday, January 9, 2011

Inside Kevin's Journal: A work in progress

If Jesus was here today, I can honestly say he would be disappointed with the way I m living. I don't talk to him like he's a friend, instead I treat him like an ATM and only come to him when I need something. So in other words im a golddigger. I live the way I want and pretty much call him when I need a bailout. One little example (out of many) is while I am currently working on stoping my swearing, I used to swear without a care of who was around, and laugh it off like it was nothing. How can I say I'm a Christian when Im called to be different, and always seem to act like everybody else? Its like sometimes I am embarrassed to rep christ like that, cuz I don't wanna be looked at as "high and mighty". I worship God in church, but outside I act the exact opposite. I treat God like some dudes treat their broads. In other words Im cool wit them in the house, but never really take em out. If I was Jesus I'd be completely ashamed of that kid Kevin Lilly, and yet he's not. He gave me so many second chances its crazy. He blocked so much from getting to me. There are times when I could have been killed, seriously hurt or ect, but God somehow showed me mercy and grace when I absolutely didn't deserve it. While running in this race called life I tripped up, and didn't fall. I sometimes thought it was my own power that I didn't fall, even though when I tripped it was God who somehow caught me before I hit the ground. The first step to change is admitting you have a problem, and I have so many it'll be hard to count lol. That being said God somehow forgives me, loves me, gave me second chances, didn't let me die, didn't let me fall, didn't let me fail, kept me safe, kept my family out of harms way, provided when the odds were heavily against me, and been there when I felt like no one can understand me. He's the best friend I can ever ask for, and absolutely don't deserve. I can honestly say that there are only a dozen people I would ever take a bullet for, and yet Jesus died and stuff for everyone. I can never picture myself doing that, especially for the people I cant stand. He's a bigger man than I could ever be, and for that I have to say both Thank you and Im sorry

- Sincerely 
A work in progress

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